It’s every parent’s wish to raise a charismatic and confident person. and that’s for a good reason. A confident and self-dependent person can win the world and he/she very less prone to anxiety disorders and certain mental disorders in the future. Parents love their children and they always work for the betterment of their children but many times they make mistakes. None of us are perfect, all of us make mistakes but when it comes to parenting, our mistakes can affect our children’s personality in the future. Learn about the ways that ruin your Child’s Confidence & Personality and work on them.
This article is not intended to make any parent guilty but I’m writing this to create awareness for my readers and helping them to raise better humans.
Below are the common mistakes that can destroy the child’s personality and behavior.
1- Not setting up a good example:
Setting up an example by yourself is important. Children follow the behavior of their parents. So you have to become a role model for them.
a- Lying in front of them:
It is the most common thing most of the parent do and they don’t even realize that this is a huge mistake they are making which can adversely affect their children’s behavior.
For example, anyone doesn’t want to attend a party and he/she lies that “I’m not well today so I can’t come.” This might sound a little thing but every little thing impacts those little brains.
They absorb everything they hear, especially from you. So, focusing on your own words and avoiding little lies is a great thing you can do to raise an honest person.
b- Backbiting in front of them:
This is the second most common thing most people do without realizing the impact on the little brains.
No parent complains directly to the children about a toxic neighbor or a family member. Usually, it goes with the partner, parents, or siblings. People talk to their fellows without realizing that the kid might not be busy playing. He/she might be listening and creating a bad image of the society in their little minds.
So, beware! Even if you are a victim of a toxic person, Never complain or backbite in front of the kids. They are more likely to start hating other persons and this might impact their social life in the future.
c- Misbehaving with others:
It’s not always the case that you misbehave with your partner or a family member in front of your kids. You may sometimes misbehave with any stranger, employee, maid, or shopkeeper. It often goes unintended but the little minds are usually more focused on their parent’s behavior with others.
d- Not following healthy habits:
Healthy habits are not always meant as “Healthy eating habits”. Your daily routine, hobbies, meal timings, and general choices are also included in the habits, that are needed to be healthy. Healthy habits help in growing those little minds as more peaceful and creative and a peaceful person becomes a charming person. So, work on your own self before working on your children.
Related article: 13 simple ways to keep a child physically active
e- Not keeping the environment clean:
Keeping the environment clean & organized becomes a challenge with the kids at home, especially with the toddlers.
Some parents may start ignoring the house chores to make more time for kids and themselves but the thing is that it can impact in a wrong way on your child’s mind.
He/she may become used to live in a messy home and later on when they will grow up. You may be getting a harder time keeping the home clean.
And of course, if they will become used to living in a messy environment then they will not keep their own home clean.
Put some extra efforts in keeping your house clean and ask for help from your kids too.
It may take a lot of effort, but by the time they will be 4-5 years old, children will also start keeping the home tidy and you will get a lot lesser workload.
f- Always complaining in front of them:
Of course, you are tired and unhappy with the things around you, you are sleep-deprived and not finding time to take care of your own self. But always complaining in front of the children will mess up with their brain and eventually they will also start complaining when they will grow up.
An unhappy mind is not able to focus on other things and thus, may show poor performance in school or job.
2- Being Over-protective:
Parents love their children so much that some of them may become over-protective and thus resulting in low self-confidence in children.
a- Not letting them face their emotions:
It’s a good thing to cheer up your kid when he/she is sad. But remember that, feeling sad is completely fine and it is a part of life.
No one can remain happy all the time. There will be ups and downs in our lives and so is for the children.
Let them face and deal with their emotions. They will eventually learn to keep their selves in control.
You just have to focus on the well-being of the little brains. Healthy minds are happy minds.
If you will always try to cover their emotion, they will not be able to deal with their own selves in the future.
b- Not letting them make mistakes at all:
Setting up realistic expectations and working for them is important.
Yes! You are responsible for disciplining your children but you can not expect them to become an angel. Everyone makes mistakes. If you will not let them make mistakes, they are less likely to learn new things.
Preventing them to make mistakes will block their opportunities for exploring and learning.
c- Always helping them:
Helping is a good thing. Your kids are little and they definitely need your help in so many ways.
But Always becoming their arms is not a great idea. Let them help their own selves first and then try to come forward.
For example, if your child is trying to pack her bag, let her do. And don’t offer help until you see them facing a lot of trouble or you know that they might not complete this task.
Let them become self-dependent. When they will help their own selves, they are very less likely to become a burden on anyone else in the future.
3- Not managing situations:
There are so many times when parents get confused about what to do. They often mismanage the situation and the result is usually bad.
Finding a proper balance in parenting is as important as finding balance in other matters of life.
a- Not giving them responsibility:
As a parent, you are responsible for most of the matters of your children’s lives, when they are little. But you should not hesitate about delegating responsibility.
From a very early age, ask your child to clean their own room.
Yes! you can help them when they are not able to completely clean but they should be responsible.
Giving them responsibility will make them more self-dependent and confident in the future & not giving responsibility can ruin your child’s confidence & personality.
b- Giving responsibility buy not authority:
Sometimes it happens that parents delegate the responsibility but they do not delegate the authority.
It is a fact that responsibility should always come with authority.
You can not make someone accountable for the task he is responsible for unless you give him full control over the task.
If you want a more self-confident human being, you should let him make the decisions for the tasks he are responsible for.
c- Not finding a balance between restrictions and privacy:
Here comes the most difficult part of parenting.
At least, for me, it is the most confusing decision. Finding a balance between strictness and offering independence.
From a very early age, children start to demand independence, and becoming rigid to your rules may make them obstinate. You have to respect their independence and at the same time, you have to focus on their discipline.
As a parent, you are the one who is in charge and you are also the one who is responsible. Don’t give in to your children, when it comes to their disciplined upbringing.
You can not let your child misbehave with anyone or hit anyone.
But you should let her make her own choices of dressing or what she want to eat, within the limit.
You must know that when you should be strict and when you should give in.
d- Not finding a balance between the parenting styles:
The fact is that you can not follow one single parenting style throughout your parenting journey. There are ups and downs and it also depends upon the nature of your child. but finding the right balance between the parenting styles is important.
You must know that when you should be strict and when you should become a dear friend of your lovely little one.
There are times when you need to be strict and even rude, sometimes. You know that it is for a good reason. and there are also times when you should give in and let your child rule themselves.
Not finding a perfect balance in your parenting style may mess up with the little brain and their upbringing.
Finding a good balance in your parenting style will save you from ruining your child’s confidence and personality.
e- Growing up a victim mentality:
The point of always complaining comes again.
Don’t play the victim in front of your children otherwise, you will end up with a child having “always victim” mentality.
They will always be blaming others for anything happening in their lives. It will affect their social life and may ruin their personality too.
3- Not setting realistic approaches:
If a parent can set a realistic approach and expectations from the children, then he/she is more likely to show up with the most effective parenting style. The more realistic approaches you will set, the more you can understand your children.
a- Forcing them to be best in the race:
Of course, every parent wants his/her child to become the best in every competition but a good parent shouldn’t actually focus on the result.
An effective parent should praise the child for their efforts.
If the child is working hard to achieve a goal then the result doesn’t matter, believe me. The more you will cheer up your little one for his/her efforts, the more he/she will move closer to success.
Related Article: Parenting | Top 50 Tips to Become the Best parent ever
b- Comparing them with other kids:
This is the most common mistake made by most parents.
Comparing! with siblings, with friends, with other’s kids and even with their own classmates.
The comparison actually ruins the child’s confidence & personality and encourages the sense of “jealousy” with other kids.
c- Shutting down their expressions:
Shutting down your children’s expressions just because they are little is the worst thing a parent can do to the child.
Some thoughts might not be important for adults but they may mean a whole new world to a little brain.
Shutting down their expressions now will make them very less confident in expressing their statements in the future.
d- Not giving them choices:
Not giving them choices means not letting them make their own decisions.
It means you are not boosting their decision-making power which is the most important thing for a person when he/she will move on to practical life.
Yes! you are the one who has full control but letting them take tiny decisions is not going to hurt anyway.
Let them choose what they want to eat, strawberries or bananas? Peas or broccoli? What they want to wear, Red or blue?
These small decisions will help them gain more confidence and they will become confident in taking huge decisions later in their lives.
e- Not praising them:
Praising is the key to up bring a more confident person who doesn’t get too upset because of any failure.
Instead, he knows that these are the “efforts”, that matter. Not praising your child for his efforts or anything he/she did good, is like lowering the child’s self-esteem and discouraging them for the future.
Speaking in 2010, The great basketball player Michael Jordan said this about himself, ” I missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. I’ve been trusted to take the game to win shot and missed. I failed over and over and over again. but that is why I succeed”
This person has been praised for his efforts in the past by his parents. That’s why he was able to see failure as an opportunity to focus and work harder, and this brings him to success.
The child who is praised more often by the parents, is more likely to become a successful person in career.
f- Scolding and Punishing:
Scolding and punishing may be a timely solution but it actually ruins your child’s personality.
It lowers their self-esteem and makes them very less expressive of their opinions.
“When children experience a parent reacting with kindness and patience, they learn to act with kindness as well—thereby altering generational patterns for a kinder, more compassionate future”, Says Mr. Hunter Clarke Field in his book Raising Good Humans.
e- Not saying Sorry:
You are a parent but at the same time you are a human too. If you made some mistake, its totally fine and there is nothing wrong in saying sorry to your little one.
There are so many ways to apologize, directly saying sorry or confessing that you were wrong. You may compensate for your mistake too.
Saying sorry to them will eventually make them more humble with other people, and help them discourage their own ego.
An egocentric parent will raise an egocentric child.
Don’t make excuses or don’t make them feel like they are too sensitive or they were too much hurt.
Just admit your mistake and fix it, that’s it.
5- Not getting involved in their lives:
Involvement of parents is necessary and young children never mind their parent’s involvement in their lives. Instead, they love it.
Involvement doesn’t always come with hurting their privacy. The key is to find the balance.
A good parent knows that always saying “no” and always disagreeing with their opinions will eventually make them feel like that they should not involve their parents in their lives.
Giving privacy is a different thing but letting them spoil their own selves is not okay. There are many situations when parent’s involvement is necessary.
a- Not knowing their interest:
Figure out their interest and support them! That’s what every parent should do.
If a parent is not able to find out the real interest and potential of the child then he/she might not upbring a successful person.
The children who do not get support from parents in the field they are interested in, are more likely to lose interest in so many productive activities.
So, finding out their area of interest and helping them will make them more confident and charismatic later in their life.
b- Not knowing their friends:
Friends are the second most involved people in a person’s life, after the family.
Sometimes their impact on a person’s personality becomes way more than the impact of the family because people used to idealize friends and try to follow them.
As a parent, you should get involved with their friends and get to know them.
You don’t have to play a spy role. Just communicate with them more often, let your child invite them at home, and have a chit-chat with their parents.
Friends can make or spoil your child’s personality and they shouldn’t be ignored.
c- Not spending time with them:
Parents can have a strong influence on children’s personality because of the two facts that children spent most of their time with the parents or under the set up provided by the parents.
At an early age, children use to idealize their parents and copy their behavior.
Parents can influence their believes and thinking.
As per a study, the children who spent more time with their parents, especially fathers, perform better at school and other activities. This is because of the self-confidence they gain from their parents’ company.
Spending quality time with children is important to influence their little brains in a positive way.
Read a good book with them, play with them, or simply communicate with them. Ask them about their day and tell them about your experiences.
Even if you are talking to a toddler, when you will start telling any story related to you, he/she will start listening carefully and will absorb your words.
When spending time with your children, make your own stories with a moral. Tell your kid a story with the main character being you and you will be amazed to see that you can catch double or even triple the attention of your kid, as compared to a general story.
By not spending quality time together you are missing a very good opportunity of building your child’s personality and self-confidence.
d- Letting them Misbehave:
I’ve personally seen many parents who simply let their kids misbehave with them or even others like the other parent, sibling, or grand-parent.
That’s just because they think that they are too little to discipline. But the reality is that children are never too young to be disciplined.
Disciplining might be tough and needs a lot of patience but this is one of the most important parenting task.
By letting them misbehave, thinking that they’re too young, you are growing the worst human being.
They will eventually become a person with an attitude and no one likes an attitude person. It can destroy their personality.
e- Not developing healthy habits:
A healthy mind is a happy mind, similarly a healthy body is a happy one too. Here, happy body meant to be an active one.
Not developing healthy habits means letting your children eat a lot of junk food and unhealthy snacks. Letting them stay up late at night and wake up late in the morning. Letting them become physically inactive for most time of the day is also a disaster.
Not developing healthy habits may lead to increased risk of many diseases in future, so eventually affecting a person’s potential, personality and self-confidence.
So, these were the most common parenting mistakes that can lead to the loss of the child’s self-confidence and personality.
Working on these factors will help you in parenting positively.
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